Stay soft: The hardest leadership challenge?

(Men’s Health Week reflection)

It’s not often that work gets to me emotionally. But this week, during what happened to also be Men’s Health Week, I found myself unexpectedly moved. And it wasn’t because of workload or stress or deadlines. As usual, it was because of people.

Earlier in the week, I received an email from a colleague (let’s call him Paul) reflecting on some impending changes we were preparing for. Halfway through reading it, a lump caught in my throat. I had to stop, take a breath, walk away and return later.

Why?

Because Paul didn’t just talk about strategy or process. He talked about people. He described how these changes might make people feel. He acknowledged the cultural ripples the changes would cause. And he closed by acknowledging that I probably already recognised these things — that my empathy would have picked this up long before he’d written it.

That quiet observation — someone seeing the care I carry for people — hit unexpectedly.

A few days earlier, in an entirely unrelated moment, I was in conversation about the state of the human heart. How easily it can turn. Between faith and emptiness - how quickly fear or arrogance or numbness can creep in. Again, I felt that strange lump in my throat, the tears starting to well up — a moment of emotion rising without warning.

And then, sitting beside these gentle reminders, came a harder, more troubling reflection:

What does it mean to be a man — especially a man who leads — in today’s world?

The Red Pill, the false strength, the dangerous drift
I’ve been watching — like many of you — the rise of certain voices online offering young men a vision of "manhood" that troubles me deeply. The so-called Red Pill Movement. The false promise of “alpha” strength. The harsh dismissal of empathy, compassion, patience — of softness.

As someone raised on The Matrix film, the original meaning of “taking the red pill” was about waking up to truth. But today’s version feels like a poison pill — convincing young men that strength equals dominance, coldness, detachment. If you don’t look like you care, if nothing gets to you, then you're all that. Bro’s killin' it.

And as these ideas spread, they slowly drain the humanity out of the very men who are meant to carry care, responsibility and leadership into the world.

It’s not just young men.

Women have their own toxic versions of these extremes.

But this week — of all weeks — as Men’s Health Week — it’s our hearts as men I’m thinking about most. And it all connects.

Why the soft heart is a leader’s first and last defence
Leadership will always try to harden you. It wears on your patience. It tests your grace. It tempts you to get sharp, fast, unfeeling — just to cope.

But when you give in — even slightly — to that hardening of the heart, the rot sets in. I know because I feel the battle inside myself.

Every change conversation. Every tough meeting. Every short-sighted decision. Every misunderstanding. Every weary moment.

🔔 The email from Paul? A reminder not to let the human side slip.
⚠️ The chat about the heart? A warning to guard mine carefully.
⚡ The online noise about what it means to be a "real man"? A signal flare saying: Don’t drink this poison. Stay soft. Stay human. Stay real.

Because no matter what else leadership demands, the one thing it can’t afford to lose is care.

Not fake empathy. Not performative wellness. Real concern. Real presence. Real softness.

Even when the world rewards the opposite.

Men’s Health Week: What are we really protecting?
So here we are, in Men’s Health Week. We’re told to look after our bodies — and rightly so.

But what about our hearts? Not just the muscle that pumps blood — but the quiet, invisible core that keeps us grounded, feeling, leading like humans, not machines.

Is this the health check we’re missing most?

The strength of a man — of any leader — isn’t measured in hardness, in detachment, in indifference. It’s measured in how fiercely you guard your humanity when the world wants you to lose it.

This week I was reminded: The true risk isn’t being “too soft.”

It’s becoming too hard to feel, to care, to see.

Final thought:
Leadership will always be tough on the heart. But don’t make the mistake of thinking the answer is to toughen your heart.

💪🏽Stay soft.
💪🏽Stay human.
💪🏽Stay real.

Even when it costs you. Especially when it costs you.

Because in the end — the leaders who last, who heal, who build, who change things for good — are the ones who refused to let their heart turn to stone.

👣 What about you?
As this Men’s Health Week closes, what shape is your heart in? What’s one small way you can protect its softness in the days ahead?

If this stirred something in you — or made you think — pass it on to another man (or leader) who needs this reminder.

Because this isn’t just about men. It’s about the humans we all hope to stay.

Ps: I will now reply to my GP about that blood pressure test they've been bugging me about for months.